Sleep paralysis, probably provoked by myself.
Before we begin the story, you should know that I may be a bit harshly grumbling. Knowing that I sometimes use my dream journal to let off steam, you are warned that this time it will really hit…
CONTEXT :
I’d been out for a walk all day with a friend. Despite my two nights of insomnia in a row, I was fit enough to make the 4 hours trip.
During our trip with my friend, we chatted quite a bit about our love stories, saying I’m not trying to find a soul mate because of my 2019 year on this subject… Aaaah, 2019… For me, it was worse than 2020…
I don’t mind talking about 2019 actually. The thing is, apparently it wakes up my unconscious to piss me off about finding a girlfriend… Aaah… My unconscious…
My unconscious, as I said, is my best friend. But as in many relationships, there can sometimes be conflict. With me and my unconscious, it’s love ! Aaah… Love… What a pain to understand it…
It’s been like a fight since always. To quickly summarise the beginning of this war, it all started when I was still a child. Not wanting to look like some of the losers I had seen in my life, I had decided to stay single all my life, to avoid looking like them.
Except at the same time, I was beginning to fall for girls at a very young age. I always had an attraction, without necessarily approaching them or trying anything. When I was in primary school, this happened two or three times. However, by the time I got to middle school, I was falling for a girl every year, even though I didn’t want a love story. Aaaaah, ball-breaker the unconscious !
I even turned down dates back then because I didn’t want to be in couple.
So in high school, it was almost the same, despite the fact that I had become a pure no-life ! I was living a solitary life geekin’ it out with my PSP during breaks. Except that by the time I turned 19 in senior class, my unconscious had won over a girl at the last minute, making me realize that I had to accept the feelings of love I had and that I wouldn’t look like all the losers I’d seen in my life. I even left to declare myself to this girl about who I was at the time ! Well, I got a nice rake, but I was still happy to have been able to declare myself.That’s the inconsistency XD
In the years that followed, I got to know a few potential targets that didn’t work out too well and arrived in 2019… 2019 for fuck’s sake ! A year that got me pissed me off, especially in love with girls who didn’t know what they wanted ! Part of this passage is linked to the paralysis of 23/10/2019 with the shadow of the Google assistant.
Coming back to the present, as Flageounet didn’t stop pissing me off during the evening that followed, I told him mentally: “Flageounet, if tonight we have a clear discussion face to face, I guarantee to make an effort for love stories”. I wanted to take stock with him on this vicious circle that goes back and forth in my life, because it bothered me so much.
So I repeated several times while I went to bed: “I’m going to remember my dreams and make them lucid”. Except… Who likes to troll me when I go to bed ? My insomnia ! Yes ! This bastard who’s always there to piss me off !
So I got up to play Rocket League and went back to bed around 4:30 in the morning. I still had trouble sleeping, even though I had accumulated several days of tiredness …
DREAM :
I find myself at dawn, lying in my bed. I see two people of Indian origin from memory, standing right next to my bed talking, not knowing what he was talking about.
As I start to think, I say to myself, “I’m dreaming… Ah ! But if I’m dreaming…”.
In the midst of sleep paralysis, I called out loudly “Flageounet”. After pronouncing his funny nickname twice, I saw him appear as a black smoke in the form of a worm. The two people having disappeared, he was walking in the air, close to my face.
At the same time, I felt a discomfort in my throat: it was my saliva that was blocked. My body was paralyzed and I couldn’t swallow it despite my efforts.
So as not to miss the opportunity to be in front of Flageounet, I tried to bear my blocked saliva. But when I was too disturbed, Flageounet went away and I woke up from my dream.
BACK TO REALITY :
I woke up in the same scene as my dream, but very tired. I realized it was only 10 a.m. and I had only slept 5 hours…
DREAM ANALYSIS :
Analysis ? What the f*ck was he doing disturbing my dream ? And that f*cking body that doesn’t want to sleep… three big insomnia woes in a row, I think I broke my record for big insomnia woes in a row, knowing that I can feel the fourth one coming…
Finally, Flageounet answered the call, even if it was his turn to come back and not mine to call him…
As a result, he pissed me off so much mentally in the day that followed that I signed up in an umpteenth dating site, to calm him down a bit… What not to do ?
NOTE OF 15/06 :
Finally, I didn’t have my 4th insomnia last night and strangely when I got up this morning, well I was more in a killing mood. Apparently, my nervous poo went with my 8 hours of sleep… It’s been a long time !
But something a bit weird: although I didn’t manage to re-invoke Flageounet (to tell the truth, I was so tired that I don’t remember any of my dreams from that night), I felt better. I was even planning to go out and meet people in love. I’m not saying that Flageounet (or my unconscious if you prefer that term) struck again, but it’s not the first time I woke up feeling better, as if nothing had happened… I’ll make a joke about it, but I have nothing publicly appropriate… XD
Anyway, seeing what it looks like over the next few days because it strongly resembles the conclusion of the dream with the shadow of the Google assistant, where everything was better at the end after the “intervention” of the Mind Flayer.
By the way, I’m sorry if this story has shocked you. To tell the truth, I myself was hesitant to publish it because of his verbal abuse. I had the choice between either publishing it as it is (because I don’t like to censor myself) or not publishing it, which would have been regrettable to not show a conflictual aspect compared to usual. I have to admit that writing this story was particularly difficult, given the inner conflict…
>>> Tag : Love, conflict